2014

2014 was such a transformable year.

It is amazing how a year can change a person.

Last January at this time, I thought I had it all figured out and everything in my life fit perfectly.  I was in graduate school, starting my second semester, still in amazement that I was smart enough to even get a master's degree.  I was comfortable, thinking I had a whole church backing me up in case I fell.  I didn't worry about the people in my life, I felt secure.  I was looking at life through my naive rose colored glasses.  I knew God was up to something but I wanted to stay in the comfortable, I was not ready to be vulnerable yet.  Then throughout the first half of the year, life happened.  I held onto God like a life preserver.  I kept turning to Him for answers, for guidance.  But I was still being met with hurt, heartbreak, rejection.  To the core, what makes me the most vulnerable.  On top of that, I am not just in a masters program, I was truly learning the intensity of the program I was in, of the career I was going into.  God was my life preserver.

I did survive the first six months with a few scars along the way.  I made some tough decisions that as hard as they were, I never doubt they were the right decisions.  I no longer had that safety net of the church that I have had, and always having my church to lean on has been a safety blanket of mine since the early days of relationship with Christ.  My trust was shaken in many of my relationships and I began to really learn how fragile friendship is.  When you have those that you can trust, laugh with, cry with, and walk through life with, cherish them.  Life is to short not to enjoy life and the people in it. 

During the first half of the year, I left the country and traveled.  For the first time I allowed myself to see outside my bubble at the ignorance people have to people with disabilities.  This isn't saying anything bad or negative about any of them.  I am ignorant about many things.  But it awakened something in me, broke my heart in a way but also lite a fire in me.  There needs to be a platform for social awareness for people with disabilites, whether that means diving into social policies or being the voice for those that can't get heard.  It is time to educate people.  I realized God has given me so many amazing opportunities that has led me to this and He has given me a voice and I can't sit back and not help.  I can't fully map out what everything looks like right now.  But 2014 has began to put together the blueprints and it started with the UK trip and the experiences I had during my travels.  I will never forget that trip and I will always be thankful for that trip because it has helped me understand what I need to do with this loud stubborn steadfast personality I have been given. 

The challenges of the first part of the year made the second half seem like a vacation.  After surviving the summer semester, I realized I could take on anything schoolwise.  However, I reached a point where I had been through the ringer.  I realized I just barely was surviving and I was not taking care of myself.  Self-care is something they push in the counseling program because when you are taking care of yourself and at your best then you can help others more fully.  I am so used to helping others and putting myself last that I forget that.  Well by the time July arrived, my migraines were out of control and my anxiety was really high.  I survived.  but not thrived.  So it was time to be proactive...  I started seeeing a massage therapist for my migraines and not only has he relieved them but he has become a good friend of mine.  He has been able to help me with my migraines, back problems, and relieve my stress AND we get each other's sarcasm...He has truly become a blessing in my life.  I also seeked out a mentor, which is suggested in the program.  I did research and he is a counselor but he is solid in his faith (but who would have guessed he had a similar personality as mine.)  Another God divine intervention.  He has helped my anxiety as we have explored the past, understood the present, talked about the future.  We can talk 'counseling' talk when a lot of my friends outside the program don't always get what I am saying or my enthusiasm behind it.  He has helped me center myself and focus so I can learn about myself and also apply what I am learning in the program in practical ways.  God used two people to start shaping the way I view things and help me see things with a clearer lens... I am becoming a healthier version of me .... if for no other reason than to admit life is messy and let's figure it out together. 

Fall semester was amazing.  I will let that be my next post because the Fall brought so many opportunities that I am amazed at how I was blessed at the opportunities given to me :-)